DID YOU KNOW?


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To celebrate being drug-free this past week, my children's school designated different dress-up days.

So it should have come as no surprise to me when my 10-year-old bounded out of bed, calling, "Mom, it's mismatch day today!"

I felt like an electric shock went right through me. I was already running late, and I had extra things that needed doing that morning. So what was my response? My wonderful, supportive, heart-felt response?

"Well, I don't have time to help you, so you're on your own."

Oh, my goodness. His smile faded, he nodded his head, and he quietly went into the bathroom. Not a complaint, no sassing, nothing.

I could've cried. And for the next few minutes, a constant refrain went through my head, went through my heart: Have you forgotten? Have you forgotten being 10, when dressing up was the best? Have you forgotten being excited for something at school, an event, a party, a whatever — and wanting to share it so badly with your mom?

Ouch. So I meekly retrieved my son, guided him to his dresser and helped him pick out his very mismatched clothes. And I humbly thanked God for allowing me a redo, for showing me his disappointed face, for giving me the extra seconds I needed to make things right.

Forgotten childhood
It makes me sick to think how many times I've made similar mistakes and in my hurry and importance, missed his reaction. I wonder how many times throughout each day instances like these are played out with much sadder endings.

I think of the time an elementary student brought a homemade craft to school, so excited to show his teacher, so sure that she'd be excited, too, only to receive a chilly, "Do you really think I care about that?"

Or the times when a child asks a question and receives this bewildering answer: "What do you think? Anyone else could figure it out."

Or how about when we make a child feel stupid for forgetting something, lazy for not completing something or irresponsible for misplacing something?

Have we forgotten? Have we forgotten what it's like to be young and to still believe that the adults around you care about you? Care about what you're making, dreaming, thinking? Have we forgotten that kids forget, lose things, spill stuff, screw up? Have we forgotten that we still do, too? I cannot even imagine an adult turning to another adult who has misplaced the car keys and saying, "Well, I guess you'll be more responsible next time."

Would that ever happen?

I feel like you and I have moments, small moments when we can lift a child up or knock a child down. And those moments can be so seemingly insignificant, but here's the secret. Those are the ones that define us, define their trust in us, their trust in the big guys, in the world. Have we forgotten what kind of adult we wanted to be? What kind of adult we weren't going to be? How we were going to be so very different, keep our heads on straight, our priorities in order and never, ever treat a child like he or she didn't matter?

We need to remember.

Mary White is from the Malone area. She and her husband have five children, eight cats, two dogs and three guinea pigs. She has had the privilege of working with children and families (her own and other people's) for more than 20 years.