Press-Republican

Seniors

May 21, 2014

Poll: More stressful to care for spouse than mom

WASHINGTON — You promise “in sickness and in health,” but a new poll shows becoming a caregiver to a frail spouse causes more stress than having to care for mom, dad or even the in-laws.

Americans 40 and older say they count on their families to care for them as they age, with good reason: Half of them already have been caregivers to relatives or friends, the poll found.

But neither the graying population nor the loved ones who expect to help them are doing much planning for long-term care. In fact, people are far more likely to disclose their funeral plans to friends and family than reveal their preferences for assistance with day-to-day living as they get older, according to the poll by The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

And while 8 in 10 people who’ve been caregivers called it a positive experience, it’s also incredibly difficult.

“Your relationship changes. Life as you know it becomes different,” said Raymond Collins, 62, of Houston, who retired early in part to spend time with his wife, Karen. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 15 years ago, her mobility has deteriorated enough that she now uses a wheelchair.

Collins, a former business manager for an oil company, said he has felt stress, frustration and, at times, anger.

“The traditional vows are through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, etc.,” he said. “At the age of 25 and 32, you say those things and you’re high on love and healthy, and life is all in front of you. The meanings of those words are pretty much lost, even when you concentrate on them.”

Still, he said caregiving has strengthened his marriage commitment in ways he couldn’t foresee as a newlywed nearly 37 years ago.

 FAMILY STRESS

While 7 in 10 who cared for a spouse said their relationship grew stronger as a result, nearly two-thirds said it caused stress in their family compared with about half among those who cared for a parent.

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Seniors