Coming six years after the end of the brilliant and beloved TV show, "X Files: I Want to Believe" plays like another episode of the series -- unfortunately, one of the bad ones.

Not as bad as the Mulder-free final season, of course, but still not good.

The film reunites former FBI agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), who once handled all the paranormal/alien/unexplained cases the country could throw at them. It's been six years for them, too; now Scully is a compassionate doctor at a Catholic hospital, while Mulder is a bearded recluse living in a closet at Scully's place.

The FBI, however, once again needs their help. An agent is missing, and the only lead they have is a disgraced Catholic priest (comedian Billy Connolly) who claims to have visions. Agent/runway model Dakota Whitney (Amanda Peet) thinks he could help; partner Mosley Drummy (rapper Xzbit; he's a rapper, so he must be able to act) thinks it's all a bunch of hooey.

There are no conspiracies or alien interventions in "I Want to Believe." The film is a standalone entity, theoretically designed to be accessible to both fans and other people who haven't been immersed in the ongoing story lines -- the most-criticized aspect of the first "X Files" film, "Fight the Future." In practice, however, this particular episode will disappoint everyone equally.

The story line is schlocky and the side plot about a terminally ill child in Scully's care -- designed to make us teary -- is merely distracting. Though there are a couple of surprises at the end, the drama creeps forward at a painfully slow pace.

There is also very little of the clever banter commonplace in the series and very few light moments. While Duchovny's Mulder seems essentially unchanged, Anderson's Scully is at her whiny, unbelieving worst.

Fans may still get a charge out of seeing their familiar heroes together again, but there's little here for anyone else. If you're interested in seeing the "X Files" for the first time, go watch the early season DVDs.

For those of us who hoped that the show's loose ends would someday be tied up (sometime before the alien colonization slated for Dec. 22, 2012), "I Want to Believe" is terrible news. Its failure means we'll probably never find the truth that's out there.

Rental Recommendation: The first "X Files" movie, filmed while the series was in its heyday, is a better representation of the show. Grade: B.

E-mail Steve Ouellette at:

ouellette1918@gmail.com