Everything Judd Apatow touches does not turn to gold.

The creator of "The 40 Year Old Virgin," "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" shares a producer's credit on "Drillbit Taylor," a mostly inoffensive but nondescript high-school comedy featuring Owen Wilson.

Conceived and co-written by Apatow regular Seth Rogen ("Knocked Up"), along with Kristofor Brown ("Beavis and Butthead") and '80s maven John Hughes (under the pen name Edmond Dantes), "Drillbit Taylor" doesn't offer the same sharp and riotous comedy as Apatow's good stuff.

Wilson is still reasonably engaging, utilizing his well-worn slacker shtick as a homeless man who takes a job as a bodyguard for three geekish high-school freshmen in mortal danger from a sociopathic bully (Alex Frost).

The three kids fit comfortably into stereotypes: Wade (Nate Hartley) is the tall, scrawny, shy kid with glasses who will eventually learn to assert himself; Ryan (Troy Gentile) is the wisecracking chubby one who likes to rap; Emmit (David Dorfman) is the short one who is so nerdy he makes the other two seem cool.

After a disastrous first couple of days of school -- featuring some bullying that's more painful and boorish than funny -- the trio decides to go online and hire a protector. Not surprisingly, the best bodyguards are out of their price range, but Drillbit Taylor, just looking to scrape together plane fare to Canada, talks a good game and works cheap.

Drillbit poses as a substitute teacher to look out for the kids -- and hooks up, with no effort at all, with a comely teacher (Leslie Mann). Humor and important life lessons are sure to follow.

The three young stars in the film aren't bad, but none of them are exceptional. The humor is scattered, with occasional good moments surrounded by jokes that fall flat.

The funniest part is a cameo by Adam Baldwin as a prospective bodyguard. I was, however, apparently the only person in the theater who remembered that he made his film debut in 1980's very similar "My Bodyguard," protecting Chris Makepeace from Matt Dillon.

At least "My Bodyguard" is still remembered by someone 28 years after the fact; the lightweight "Drillbit Taylor" may not be so fortunate.

Rental recommendation: Robert Carradine, star of "Revenge of the Nerds," just had his 54th birthday. Nerds! Grade: B.

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