November 27, 2011

Can't afford not to spend this Christmas

The Christmas shopping season is here, and the pressure is on. On all of us.

Our economy, frankly, still stinks. Too many people are out of jobs, too many companies are slashing benefits, too many banks are hoarding their money so that their CEOs can roll around in dungeons full of crisp $100 bills.

Congress refuses to make rich people and corporations pay their share. The president wants to waste our money on helping sick people. Desperate people around the country have begun occupying parks and street corners, hoping without hope that someone will just donate a Port-a-Potty.

This is how I understand the problem: People are worried about the economy, so they don't spend any money. Since they don't spend, businesses don't make money, so they cut employees, who then don't have money to spend. Then people get even more worried, they spend even less, businesses go bankrupt, everyone loses their jobs, and the Great Depression II rolls in.

It's a vicious cycle, which eventually ends with the United States selling Epcot Center and Mt. Rushmore to Kuwait; 200 million people boarding inflatable rafts, dugout canoes and water skis and floating toward China; the election of a new president who thinks it's a good idea to declare war on Germany, since that worked last time around.

We are the only ones who can end the cycle.

We must buy and spend and spend some more. It is our patriotic duty to make Christmas 2011 the season of giving and giving and giving. It's the best Christmas ever, kids.

If you did not wait out in front of an electronics store at 3 a.m. on Black Friday to get 5 percent off "Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3," shame on you. If you've been waiting for the price to come down before you purchased that trendy cocktail dress, well, you may be a communist.

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