In the days of my youth, children were supposed to be seen and not heard. And they most certainly were not supposed to be addressed by the president of the United States.

When word came out this past week that President Barack Obama was going to deliver a speech to our nation's children, I was dumbstruck. Why would he do this? What did he have to gain? These kids can't even vote yet.

It wasn't going to be the first time a commander-in-chief spoke to young students. Liberal wingnut George H.W. Bush addressed children in 1991, but at that time there was no Twitter, no streaming video, no text messaging, no DirecTV. It was basically blurry black and white television, ham radios and smoke signals, so virtually no one heard what Bush said. Something about floating to Cuba and overthrowing Castro, but it doesn't really matter.

Now, however, millions could be dragged in by any number of multimedia sources. Fearful, I turned to the Internets to find out what was going on.

It turns out this Obama fellow isn't even an American — he was born on one of Jupiter's moons — and he was planning on using this opportunity to indoctrinate our children with his socialist ideology, programming the kids into robotic zombies who would steal our guns, save the whales and vote for Democrats.

In order to spread the message, all the kids in America were going to be thrown into giant holding cells by the Secret Service and forced to watch and listen to the speech in surround sound. Horrifying.

I signed every online petition I could find to stop this atrocity and gnashed my teeth until my gums started to bleed, but at noon Tuesday I could not keep my children from the hypnotic presence on the TV screen. They heard every insidious word of his message.

Fortunately, I'm here to tell you that there are things we as parents can do to break this programming. Nothing the president says on a mere television screen can match what we tell our kids live and in person. You are your child's biggest role model and influence. Take the president's vile speech point by point and refute it all before the damage sets in.

Students should stay in school? School is boring. If students have a chance at a good fast-food job or plan on marrying someone rich or just really like daytime television, they shouldn't have to stay in school. What happened to inalienable rights?

Students should read every day? Books are so yesterday. There's nothing that can be learned on the page that can't also be learned from a 35-second clip on YouTube. Heck, many books don't even have pictures — I don't know how a kid can be expected to make it all the way through one. How will a book help my kid get a job as a rap musician or a computer programmer? I sense the powerful librarians' lobby at work here.

Students should do their homework? Listen, homework is just something a teacher gives you as busywork; it's optional. Everything you need to learn has to be taught to you while you're actually sitting in class. It's, like, the law. All you have to do is pass the tests, and you can do that by sitting really close to the smartest kid in class and using your peripheral vision.

Students should wash their hands frequently? Probably the president has some kind of deal with the left wing hand-soap industry. I've always taught my boys that a buildup of dirt and grime creates a protective layer on their hands. They only need to be washed if they're accidentally urinated on.

Every student is important? Every student is good at something? Every student is capable of great things? Sounds like socialism to me. We all know that some of our kids are good for nothing. That if your family isn't rich and you don't have the right genetic coding, you're not going anywhere in this life. We know, for instance, if you are born with dark skin and raised by a single mother, you won't be able to accomplish anything. Why build up expectations that will only lead to failure?

Parents, we can fight this insidious presidential influence. I fear, however, what might be next on his crazy political agenda.

Is he going to tell pregnant women that they should take vitamins and stop smoking? Tell drivers they shouldn't drive drunk? Encourage Americans to eat right and exercise? Didn't the communists eat right and exercise?

Geez. Who does he think he is?

E-mail Steve Ouellette at: ouellette1918@gmail.com