<a href="mailto:souellette@pressrepublican.com">By STEVE OUELLETTE</a>
You Had To Ask
March 23, 2008 05:28 am
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People who have kicked a long cigarette addiction will often talk about not just the health benefits but the financial benefits as well.
Giving up two packs a day, for instance, can save more than $4,000 in a year.
I've never had a tobacco problem, an alcohol addiction or a high-priced call-girl habit to kick, but I've often wondered what could have been if I had spent my money more wisely. I've come up with a list of poor money management decisions in my life that could have been reversed. Maybe some of you are young enough to learn and change your own wayward habits. All totals are estimates; no official records exist.
Quarters pumped into arcade games: A misspent youth full of Frogger, Galaxian and Gauntlet. I never really got very good. $1,873.75.
Deposit cans that were thrown away instead of being returned: Bad for the environment, too; I'm not proud. $612.
Gifts, meals and various personal items for girlfriends who treated me like dirt before eventually dumping me anyway. $5,104.
Baseball cards: I collected them casually from my youth into young adulthood, but apparently none of them are worth much of anything now. Do you know how many Mo Vaughn rookie cards I have? $1,296.
Purchases on the Home Shopping Channel: When the whole concept was new and cool, an 87-band boom box that included AM, FM, cassette, CD, weather, CB, shortwave, TV, 8-track and a sausage maker was irresistible. It weighed 700 pounds and worked for almost two days. $49.95.
Eating out because I was too lazy to make anything for dinner. $17,884.
Taking an extra dessert even though I wasn't hungry: We'll work out the poor calorie decisions later. $3,708.
Overpriced snacks and soda from the vending machines at work. $4,112.
Presents that were immediately broken, thrown away or re-gifted: This number may actually be much, much higher. $3,944.
Money spent on fixing the transmission of a car that still died within a week or was totaled by a pickup truck in a snowstorm. $3,705.
Gasoline used while driving in circles because I refuse to ask for directions: Hmmm. Might be time for GPS. $1,660.
Fines for late library books and movie rentals: Stupid freaking library police. $118.
Overpriced movie popcorn: Now I bring my own, hidden in my socks, but in the old days I wasn't so clever. $1,699.
Loose change lost between the couch cushions or under the car seat. $712.
HD DVD Player/Betamax/Laserdisc Player: Stupid obsolete technology. $1,484.
Candy bars, popcorn, cookies, greeting cards, pizza kits, road flares, dental floss and other fundraising efforts conducted by parents for their school-age children. Now that my kids are old enough, you people better start buying our junk. too. $2,080.
Meat that I purchased and left in the refrigerator until it went bad: I mean all bad; if it's only a little iffy, I'll still give it a try. $1,555.
Rental car insurance: Really, it's not necessary if you have the right credit card. $310.
Coupons that I was too lazy to clip and use at the grocery store: Sometimes, they put them in this newspaper, for free! $9,202.
Jerseys and T-shirts of favorite athletes who are traded or leave as free agents to sign with the enemy or are implicated in a steroids scandal: I'm looking at you, Rocket. $640.
Kitchen gadgets that I never use: We're talking the Grill-o-Matic Italian Sandwich Maker, the Yogi Bear waffle maker, the John Goodman Home Brewing Kit. $1,072.
Yard-sale junk that was "a really good deal." $1,290.
Other stuff purchased on sale because it was "a really good deal." $18,993.
Things purchased on a whim at the checkout line: I'm a sucker for stories about a three-headed Abe Lincoln still living in secrecy in Sri Lanka. $1,606.
Bikini waxing: Only once; oh, the price of vanity. $59.
Contact lenses instead of glasses: See above. $6,805
Videos and DVDs that I purchased and watched once or never: I collect movies, sometimes haphazardly. $1,910.
Dungeons and Dragons accessories and other role-playing games that I didn't use because I couldn't get enough geeks together at one time. $390.
Dogs and cats instead of pet rocks: The rocks don't need flea dips or special diets. $13,799.
Speeding tickets: Don't forget the nifty addition to my insurance. $1,104.
Souvenirs that the kids just had to have: Kids are still young, and we're going to Disney again. $885.
Fees for failing to pay credit cards on time: And I'm one of the good ones. $497.
Getting copies of the same music on 8-track, cassette, CD and mp3: Always have to have latest version of "Hotel California." $812.
Using 12 sheets of toilet paper when eight would have done just fine: Probably a whole forest worth. $384.
Paying to supersize a meal that was plenty filling enough to begin with. $783.
Buying a grande-sized Orange Julius at every mall in the country: Orangey goodness is tough to ignore. $576.
I don't have a lot of vices and I was raised to be frugal, but all of the above -- just being smarter and doing without some luxuries -- adds up to more than $114,000. That could have been invested in an index fund earning an annual return of 12 percent and turned into -- I don't know, a new car and a villa in the south of France. So please, think before you spend.
ouellette1918@gmail.com
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