'If you build it, they will hum"

<a href="mailto:gordandk@aol.com">By GORDIE LITTLE</a>
Small Talk

May 25, 2008 05:51 am

— How would you describe the sound that comes out of the business end of a kazoo? I think it's kind of like a hive of busy bees with a melody.
We either had store-bought kazoos as kids or made them from combs and tissue paper.
I was shocked to learn that some folks have never seen one. I asked my friend Earl if he had ever played a kazoo. He responded with a vacant stare.
I told him he had led a sheltered life, and I described the kazoo. After his belly laugh, he came back with, "We played real' musical instruments."
I searched the house, recalling that I had saved one of the ancient, metal kazoos.
Alas, it wasn't anywhere; so, I did what I always do. I hollered for Kaye. She approached with that look of a wife who is asked to perform magic.
I asked, "Where's the kazoo?" I expected she would walk to some nook or cranny and hand it to me. Instead, she said, "Oh, that old rusty thing? I threw it out a long time ago."
My palpable gasp surprised her.
"It was rusty," she repeated, "and old and was taking up space."
I responded with something like, "Well, I'm old and rusty, and I'm taking up space. Why don't you get rid of me?"
We had a good laugh.

THEY WILL HUM
What prompted a discussion of this poignant subject? An e-mail from one of our all-time favorite people, Jane Lawless Murphy, a North Country native who makes her home on Long Island.
Jane is an author and professional singer. Her note said, "I sang in a program in a local venue and was cooling my heels in a small anteroom until it was time to go on. In each corner of the little room was a lighted, glass-fronted display case. And in each of the four cases was a display, of all things, kazoos. Someone had assembled this collection and mounted a beautiful display of every sort of kazoo -- plastic, metal, airplane-shaped, disc-shaped, trumpet and tuba designs, even a 24-karat gold one. There was one shaped like a racing car, another like an ocean liner, one used by Frank Sinatra and another from the Spike Jones collection. On a printed card, there was a manufacturer's slogan: If you build it, they will hum.' I thought to myself, Gordie would love this!"
She went on to say, "Now, in today's Times I saw an article about little known museums in New York State, and in Eden, NY, south of Niagara Falls, there is The Original American Kazoo Factory and Museum,' showcasing the instrument's history and trivia and how to make a kazoo. Well, we used to approximate the sound using a pocket comb and waxed paper, but I'll bet that museum is great fun. I wondered if this might tickle your interest for a possible column."

DON'T BLOW
Seldom do I enjoy the luxury of having half the column written for me like that.
I got busy and assembled a comprehensive dossier on kazoos.
I learned that Kazoo Day falls on Jan. 28.
Our friend Gloria was visiting recently from Georgia and was surprised when I told her that a man named Alabama Vest from Macon dreamed up the modern kazoo in the 1840s. He had a clock maker construct one according to his design, and it was shown at the Georgia State Fair in the early 1850s.
Apparently, Vest played solo, because kazoos were not manufactured en masse until the second decade of the 20th century. They were made in Eden, as Jane mentioned, and that's where the museum and kazoo factory are still located today.
There are a gazillion kazoo sites on the Internet and many books on the shelves; so I'll let you do your own exploring.
I likewise won't tell you how to play the kazoo except to caution you not to blow into it. Just talk or hum or sing and see what comes out of the other end.
Instruments similar to the kazoo have been around for millennia. If you look up the word mirliton, you'll find that it was probably an African ancestor of the kazoo. Mirlitons were initially made from cow horns with spider eggshells for the vibrating membrane.

A KAZOO WARNING
At the mention of kazoos, I automatically think of the banjos and kazoos carried by the Philadelphia Mummers; but I should point out that the instrument has played a formal role in many kinds of recorded music over the years.
And even though our "Little" kazoo was relegated to the trash, I hope you're inspired to take your own out of mothballs and hum a ditty or two.
In the words of a great Web site called "Kazoobie Kazoos" out of Florida, "It's time to bring the kazoo back to life."
A word of safety advice from Jim Foster of the Web site "Don't Quit your Day Job" Records, "Never stick the kazoo up your nose."
Have a great day and please, drive carefully, especially when playing the kazoo.