No, I am not a drug user. I also don’t smoke or drink; it’s not one of our rules, just personal choice.
Yes, actually I do look like an atheist. This is the template. Now you’ll know how to spot one.
No, I was not brainwashed due to bad parenting. My parents took me to church every Sunday and still attend themselves every week. No, they wouldn’t vote for me either.
Yes, if I was ever called into court as a witness I would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if the swearing on the Bible doesn’t move me.
No, I do not want to poison the minds of your children. I don’t even like being near your children. They carry germs, their table manners are terrible, and their music hurts my brain. Mostly I just want your children to leave me alone.
No, we do not have an army of godless minions who will attack in 2014 and seize control of the government. Especially not on June 27. Nope.
I hope this helps. Atheism has become the homosexuality of the 21st century, and it’s just not right. Maybe I’ll live to see an atheist president … or at least an atheist pride parade! A parade would be awesome.
Email Steve Ouellette: firstname.lastname@example.org