February 17, 2013

Weighing in on Lent


I’ve tried through the years to get to the bottom of my bottom in an effort to determine what triggers this gluttony. Much has been written about why women overeat; but for men, there seems to be a dearth of research. I won’t pursue the psychology. I’ll just push myself away from the table and allow you to judge the consequences.

I should tell you that I’m much like a certain New Jersey governor who proclaimed himself the “healthiest fat man you’ve ever seen.” To the best of my knowledge, I have no debilitating diseases or health complaints, unless you count having difficulty pulling my socks on every morning or bending over to pick things up off the floor.

Kaye and I walk more than two miles at least five or six days a week, and we think it gives us a vigor that belies our age. Those to whom we wave as we circumnavigate the mall are no doubt taken aback by the vast difference in size between my wonderful wife and me. I joke that my right earlobe weighs more than Kaye. As I clean my plate at each meal, I offer second helpings to her. The response? “I eat what I want. That’s all.” You’d think that message would sink in after all our years together. Perhaps now.

We both love vegetables and fruits of all kinds, and they are part of our daily intake. Kaye can unwrap one small piece of chocolate, bite off a tiny corner at a time and be satisfied. I put the entire piece of candy in my cavernous maw at one time and continue to repeat the process until the whole bag is empty. Same with cookies and all the rest.

I’ll promise here and now to make an honest effort during Lent, and if I meet you in the store or on the street, I might ask the Ed Koch question: “How am I doing?” Feel free to tell me.

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