The interminable countdown to the Super Bowl is well under way, with another excruciating week remaining before our culture's biggest annual event.
This year, the Super Bowl carries more meaning to our region than to most. A majority of area residents root for the New York Giants. A loud and significant minority, however, have snuck over the border from Vermont and proudly sport the colors of the New England Patriots.
The two fan bases, frankly, don't mix well, with nothing in common but a shared hatred for the J-E-T-S Jets. Soon friendly wagers are going to turn into family squabbles, office fistfights and neighborhood shotgun blasts.
Can't we all just get along? I want to urge the fans of both teams to curb their natural impulses. Don't overturn that car. Don't spray paint your friend's cat in Big Blue hues. Don't lose your civility.
Above all, do not taunt. Not only is taunting rude, it will jinx your team. Something bad will happen, and for all of eternity you will know, deep inside, that it was your fault.
What could possibly go wrong just because you sent 112 identical video clips of David Tyree to your Patriots-loving co-worker? I'm glad you asked.
I've unpacked my crystal ball — which proved flawless in the years MCMXCV through MMIV. The possible futures are many, and all of them are bleak.
The jinxed Giants could lose because …▶ Wide receiver Hakeem Nicks, enraged by a phone call to WFAN in which "Sal from the Bronx" said that Nicks will never be as good as David Tyree, decides to try catching every one of Eli Manning's Super Bowl passes with his helmet instead of his hands.
▶ The Giants, who share a home field with the Jets, mistakenly load Mark Sanchez on the team plane instead of Eli Manning.