Press-Republican

Columns

April 7, 2012

When is cheating unforgivable?

I love jewelry. It is my strongest vanity. I have no interest in fashion or cars, but jewelry is my Achilles' heel. I often look at the gems my husband has given me and wonder how many hungry kids each could feed. Yet my collection grows. Sometimes I see a fancy piece in a store or catalog and question whether I would trade one of mine for it? No matter how big or pretty it might be, though, I know I would never swap my beautiful jewels because each holds a story.

For the first portion of my marriage, I worried a lot about other women. I didn't worry about my husband actually cheating. I just feared that he would meet some fabulous woman and wish that he had married her — like that commercial where the guy slaps his forehead and exclaims, "I could have had a V8!"

When my husband and I were first married, we had many arguments about golfing. Not the game, itself; just the time spent at it. During one of these exchanges, he said to me, "Well, I could be out in the bars chasing women." To which I replied, "Are those my only choices?"

In college, I knew a woman who had a long-distance boyfriend. I asked her how she dealt with wondering if he was being faithful. She said, "I used to worry about that. Then I realized I could only control what I was doing." She shrugged, "I just concentrate on keeping my side of the bargain. He's got to worry about his side."

I am not proud of the fact that I have often judged people who stayed with someone who had strayed. In fact, there were times when I viewed sexual cheating as the ultimate deal-breaker — as if it were the only hurt a partner could render. When my husband and I were first dating, I "casually" brought up the issue of monogamy: Did he think it was important? Solemnly (thankfully), he replied, "I think it's the only way." Placating me? Maybe, but I took it.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Tobias_Sue_012914.jpg World in palm of our hands

    A newsroom workshop made writer Susan Tobias realize how far technology has come since she started working at the Press-Republican.

    April 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • Mulholland_Jonathan.jpg Running tips to get you in top form

    Different limb lengths, tighter muscles, stiffer joints, prior injuries all play role in determining your running style, Jonathan Mulholland writes.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • clute_cropped.jpg When children are put at risk

    Adults who deal drugs, commit domestic violence and other crimes with kids present are guilty of yet another crime, writes columnist Penny Clute.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Walace_Jolene 7-12_cropped.jpg Let these tips on planting trees take root

    You may think that digging a hole and plopping the tree in will suffice, and it will if you only want the tree to live a short time, columnist Jolene Wallace writes.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • ouellette.jpg Web doctor always gets it right

    I have access to the collected medical knowledge of all recorded history at my fingertips, columnist Steve Ouellette writes.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Airport projects can benefit local economy

    Using a local workforce keeps wages and spending in the community if it can be done in a cost-effective manner, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Gast_Richard.jpg Producers can recycle tubing

    Project allows maple-syrup makers to conveniently dispose of their used tubing in an environmentally friendly way, according to columnist Richard Gast.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg Easter with doubters and the 'nones'

    Should more pastors ask this blunt question: "Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?" wonders religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Canadiens are Canada's team

    The National Hockey League playoffs are underway, and for Canadiens fans, many of whom likely reside in the Montreal "suburb" of Plattsburgh, it is a time of hope and joy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • amy_ivy.jpg Is it time to plant? Not yet

    All we can do is wait and see how things get through, columnist Amy Ivy writes.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch

Lois Clermont, Editor

Cornell Cooperative Extension

Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension

Bob Grady

Guest Columns

Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection

Health Advice

Ray Johnson: Climate Science
Gordie Little: Small Talk

Terry Mattingly: On Religion

Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask

Colin Read: Everybody's Business

Pinch of Time