Press-Republican

Columns

May 6, 2012

Expect obvious variety of summer flicks

The summer-movie season has grown to encompass a very loose definition of "summer." This year, that season began the first weekend of May, with the release of the blockbuster superhero epic "The Avengers."

This amorphous period is lucrative for movie theaters but confusing for consumers, who aren't sure which bombastic flicks are worth watching in expensive air-conditioned comfort.

I'd like to offer my preview of the summer-movie season. Sadly, Hollywood studios — still angry over a negative review for 2008's "Death Race" — refused to send me any promotional materials.

Not to worry, however. Using a complex algorithm based on past history and information secretly culled from your personal Facebook page, I can still offer a comprehensive look at the summer's biggest films, even without piddling details like plots, cast, release dates and movie titles.

That Sequel About the Superhero: No, not "The Avengers." That's like four sequels in one. This one is about the brooding superhero in the funny suit, you know, the one who had something bad happen when he was young but turned into an avenging crime fighter who is sometimes misunderstood.

That Remake of the Superhero Movie: Again, not "The Avengers." This one was a movie series that made a gazillion dollars, but the star got tired of the role/asked for too much money/was embarrassed by the last film. So, instead of making another sequel, the studio just got a new star and decided to start over.

That Adam Sandler movie: You know, the one where he acts like a man-child, does some flatulence-based jokes and learns a valuable lesson about life?

That Sequel to the Movie About a Child's Toy: There will be lots of guns, plenty of terrible dialogue and probably some aliens.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg Easter with doubters and the 'nones'

    Should more pastors ask this blunt question: "Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?" wonders religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Canadiens are Canada's team

    The National Hockey League playoffs are underway, and for Canadiens fans, many of whom likely reside in the Montreal "suburb" of Plattsburgh, it is a time of hope and joy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • little_mug.jpg There's no saw like an old saw Kaye and I laughed ourselves silly the other day as we tried to top each other with our own sayings from childhood, columnist Gordie Little writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Denenberg_Stu1.jpg Privacy concerns make a comeback

    There's a growing concern amongst the millennials, columnist Stu Denenberg writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • paul_grasso.jpg Several options exist for downtown

    Pedestrian mall just one idea that could be good for city's economic future, according to columnist Paul Grasso.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Government can't create success on its own

    It takes a grass-roots community effort of people working together to assure future accomplishment, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hagar_mug1.jpg Farmers strive for sustainability

    Conserving the land and assuring long-term profitability are two of the key goals for farmers these days, according to columnist Peter Hagar.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Big shift in Quebec vote

    Being a man of science, Philippe Couillard, premier-designate of Quebec, chose to use a geological term (though his field is actually medicine) to describe what happened in Monday's election, writes Canadian columnist Peter Black.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg A monastery in the Hebrides, after 1,000 years

    Before Father Seraphim Aldea can build a monastery on Scotland's Mull Island, he needs to have a working septic system, writes religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Tobias_Sue_012914.jpg Old movies offer more than entertaining TV

    Columnist Susan Tobias and her husband, Toby, are reminded of simple childhood memories while watching an old black-and-white movie.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch

Lois Clermont, Editor

Cornell Cooperative Extension
Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension

Bob Grady

Guest Columns
Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection

Health Advice

Ray Johnson: Climate Science
Gordie Little: Small Talk

Terry Mattingly: On Religion

Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask

Colin Read: Everybody's Business

Pinch of Time