June 16, 2013

World's Best Dad? No chance

Today is Father’s Day, and after a special breakfast — French toast and bacon, please? — my children will no doubt honor me with some heartfelt trinkets that will reach out and touch my tiny Grinch-like heart.

I’m not completely self-absorbed, however. That T-shirt or mug may say “World’s Best Dad,” but I’m fairly certain that Target didn’t ask for documentation before selling it. I’ll wear it proudly, but I know it’s not me.

I see the other dads. The ones who go on long father-son fishing trips. The ones who put work aside and coach their Little League teams anyway. The ones who smile and shrug instead of scream when you have a ketchup fight on the living-room furniture.

World’s Best? No chance. Maybe 50th percentile? On a good day?

I thought that today would be a good time to reflect on my shortcomings. My first son was born 13 years ago, followed by his brother a couple of years later. At the time, I made some promises about how I would raise them. How true to my words have I been? Well ...

I promised to keep you safe — So far, so good. You’re both healthy and alive, and we’re totally not buying that new place next to the crack house, unless the broker comes down another five grand.

I vowed that I would stoically do my fatherly duties, such as changing diapers, without complaint — I changed them, but yes, there was a certain amount of complaining and resentment. To be fair, I thought you’d be potty trained well before you were 9 years old.

That’s a joke guys, come on. Have a sense of humor.

I promised never to use you as comedic devices in print — Whoa. Sorry about that. Probably won’t happen again.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
  • ouellette.jpg Web doctor always gets it right

    I have access to the collected medical knowledge of all recorded history at my fingertips, columnist Steve Ouellette writes.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Airport projects can benefit local economy

    Using a local workforce keeps wages and spending in the community if it can be done in a cost-effective manner, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Gast_Richard.jpg Producers can recycle tubing

    Project allows maple-syrup makers to conveniently dispose of their used tubing in an environmentally friendly way, according to columnist Richard Gast.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg Easter with doubters and the 'nones'

    Should more pastors ask this blunt question: "Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?" wonders religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Canadiens are Canada's team

    The National Hockey League playoffs are underway, and for Canadiens fans, many of whom likely reside in the Montreal "suburb" of Plattsburgh, it is a time of hope and joy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • little_mug.jpg There's no saw like an old saw Kaye and I laughed ourselves silly the other day as we tried to top each other with our own sayings from childhood, columnist Gordie Little writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Denenberg_Stu1.jpg Privacy concerns make a comeback

    There's a growing concern amongst the millennials, columnist Stu Denenberg writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • paul_grasso.jpg Several options exist for downtown

    Pedestrian mall just one idea that could be good for city's economic future, according to columnist Paul Grasso.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Government can't create success on its own

    It takes a grass-roots community effort of people working together to assure future accomplishment, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hagar_mug1.jpg Farmers strive for sustainability

    Conserving the land and assuring long-term profitability are two of the key goals for farmers these days, according to columnist Peter Hagar.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch

Lois Clermont, Editor

Cornell Cooperative Extension
Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension

Bob Grady

Guest Columns
Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection

Health Advice

Ray Johnson: Climate Science
Gordie Little: Small Talk

Terry Mattingly: On Religion

Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask

Colin Read: Everybody's Business

Pinch of Time