Do not give your love sexy underwear for her. This is really just for you, and she knows it.
Do not give your love a copy of the mixtape that you gave to your high-school girlfriend on prom night. Yes, yes, I know there’s timeless meaning in the words of Air Supply. Sure, that Journey magic has worked before. Just don’t do it.
Do not give your love sugar-free chocolate. Instead, why don’t you just give her a card saying “Honey, don’t you think it’s about time you started that diet?” Hey, why not toss in a gym membership and a Thighmaster?
Do not give your love a kitten. Yes, I’m sure it’s very cute and she really wanted one … and soon, she will love it more than she loves you.
Do not give your love a baby. I suspect that the birth rate on Nov. 14 every year is significantly higher than on other days. Please be careful.
Do not give your love a box of wine. A tasteful bottle of a good vintage might not be a bad idea. A whole box says you think she’s a lush.
Do not give your love a buy-one-get-one-free taco. Not even if you give her both tacos.
Do not give your love a single black rose. A single red rose can be considered romantic (or on Valentine’s Day, cheap). A pink rose is OK; a white rose is fine; a yellow rose might be best saved for your mom or your sister. A black rose means “I better get a restraining order.”
Do not give your love a handmade card. Going to the trouble of making your own card with a crayon and paste just says you couldn’t go to the trouble of stopping at a store for a real card.