June 3, 2012

Make ends meet by breaking rules, padding pockets

Chances are, the tight-fisted overlords who run your company haven’t given you a raise in ages and have no plans to give you one any time in the near future.

Your boss is putting a second pool in his backyard for the servants and buying a new eco-friendly electric sports car to keep in the glove compartment of his stretch Hummer limousine.

Meanwhile, you are paying a higher percentage of your health insurance, you’ve lost your pension plan, and when you get to the checkout line you fret over whether you can afford the full dozen eggs.

With family finances so tight, how are you supposed to make ends meet and make your boss give you what you deserve?

Simple. The time-honored tradition of padding your expense report. It’s more lucrative and time-saving than getting a second job, and it’s less dangerous than robbing banks.

A higher standard of living is just a little creative paperwork away. Remember that almost anything can be expensed if you’re clever enough — and if you trust that the accounting people are doing the same thing to their own expense reports and don’t want to make any waves.

The easiest way to pad your report is with mileage. Companies are required to reimburse you for every mile you drive on company business. If you add five extra miles here, seven miles there, it adds up. Prepare to use the phrase “I had to take a necessary detour.”

Throw in an occasional imaginary, but completely necessary, trip to Quebec City to pick up a Franco-Prussian omni-dicing mega-widget that was totally needed to fix the fax machine, and you’ve got groceries for a couple of weeks.

Don’t forget to add in the tolls that you had to pay on your imaginary drive. No doubt you will be required to submit a receipt — which can easily be printed out for any highway/bridge/turnpike in the world at

Text Only | Photo Reprints
  • Tobias_Sue_012914.jpg World in palm of our hands

    A newsroom workshop made writer Susan Tobias realize how far technology has come since she started working at the Press-Republican.

    April 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • Mulholland_Jonathan.jpg Running tips to get you in top form

    Different limb lengths, tighter muscles, stiffer joints, prior injuries all play role in determining your running style, Jonathan Mulholland writes.

    April 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • clute_cropped.jpg When children are put at risk

    Adults who deal drugs, commit domestic violence and other crimes with kids present are guilty of yet another crime, writes columnist Penny Clute.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Walace_Jolene 7-12_cropped.jpg Let these tips on planting trees take root

    You may think that digging a hole and plopping the tree in will suffice, and it will if you only want the tree to live a short time, columnist Jolene Wallace writes.

    April 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • ouellette.jpg Web doctor always gets it right

    I have access to the collected medical knowledge of all recorded history at my fingertips, columnist Steve Ouellette writes.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Airport projects can benefit local economy

    Using a local workforce keeps wages and spending in the community if it can be done in a cost-effective manner, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Gast_Richard.jpg Producers can recycle tubing

    Project allows maple-syrup makers to conveniently dispose of their used tubing in an environmentally friendly way, according to columnist Richard Gast.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg Easter with doubters and the 'nones'

    Should more pastors ask this blunt question: "Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?" wonders religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Canadiens are Canada's team

    The National Hockey League playoffs are underway, and for Canadiens fans, many of whom likely reside in the Montreal "suburb" of Plattsburgh, it is a time of hope and joy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • amy_ivy.jpg Is it time to plant? Not yet

    All we can do is wait and see how things get through, columnist Amy Ivy writes.

    April 14, 2014 1 Photo

Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch

Lois Clermont, Editor

Cornell Cooperative Extension

Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension

Bob Grady

Guest Columns

Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection

Health Advice

Ray Johnson: Climate Science
Gordie Little: Small Talk

Terry Mattingly: On Religion

Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask

Colin Read: Everybody's Business

Pinch of Time