Press-Republican

Columns

July 24, 2011

Aging showing through distaste for wild fair rides

I have officially become an old man.

I say this not because of any impending birthday or arbitrary date.

No, it's not because of the frequent AARP offers in the mail. It's not because my bones ache when I walk two blocks, or my elbow throbs when it's going to rain.

It's not because of any urge to trade our thrifty compact car in for a Buick the size of Rhode Island.

It's not because of the tufts of gray sprouting on my head and face, nor the increasing size of the hairless spot on the top of my skull.

The reason I'm declaring my youth over? I have completely lost all desire to go on carnival/amusement park rides that spin at great speeds.

I didn't even know this had occurred until presented with a plethora of dizzying options this week at the County Fair. Should I spin backwards, forwards, sideways? In the past, my choice would have been "all of the above."

This time my choice was to feign indigestion — "Oh, guess I better cut back on that fried dough" — and send the kids on the rides by themselves. Not that the stomach being upset was completely fraudulent.

When I was young — last year — I could eat three slices of pizza, a giant pretzel and a 12-pound hunk of fried dough and go on any ride without feeling the tiniest tremor in my belly. I could wash down the ride with ice cream, cotton candy and french fries soaked for four days in pure lard, then get in line for more.

Now, just typing this, I'm starting to feel a little queasy.

I don't think the problem is fear. I still love roller coasters, of all heights and speeds. Loop me, turn me upside down, send me backwards, it doesn't matter. I'd gladly commit to a trip to Cleveland right now if it meant a day at Cedar Point, the nation's roller-coaster capital.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg Easter with doubters and the 'nones'

    Should more pastors ask this blunt question: "Do you really believe Jesus was raised from the dead?" wonders religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Canadiens are Canada's team

    The National Hockey League playoffs are underway, and for Canadiens fans, many of whom likely reside in the Montreal "suburb" of Plattsburgh, it is a time of hope and joy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • little_mug.jpg There's no saw like an old saw Kaye and I laughed ourselves silly the other day as we tried to top each other with our own sayings from childhood, columnist Gordie Little writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Denenberg_Stu1.jpg Privacy concerns make a comeback

    There's a growing concern amongst the millennials, columnist Stu Denenberg writes.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • paul_grasso.jpg Several options exist for downtown

    Pedestrian mall just one idea that could be good for city's economic future, according to columnist Paul Grasso.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • colin_read.jpg Government can't create success on its own

    It takes a grass-roots community effort of people working together to assure future accomplishment, according to columnist Colin Read.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hagar_mug1.jpg Farmers strive for sustainability

    Conserving the land and assuring long-term profitability are two of the key goals for farmers these days, according to columnist Peter Hagar.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Black_Peter_2014_cropped.jpg Big shift in Quebec vote

    Being a man of science, Philippe Couillard, premier-designate of Quebec, chose to use a geological term (though his field is actually medicine) to describe what happened in Monday's election, writes Canadian columnist Peter Black.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Terry_Mattingly.jpg A monastery in the Hebrides, after 1,000 years

    Before Father Seraphim Aldea can build a monastery on Scotland's Mull Island, he needs to have a working septic system, writes religion columnist Terry Mattingly.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Tobias_Sue_012914.jpg Old movies offer more than entertaining TV

    Columnist Susan Tobias and her husband, Toby, are reminded of simple childhood memories while watching an old black-and-white movie.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch

Lois Clermont, Editor

Cornell Cooperative Extension
Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension

Bob Grady

Guest Columns
Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection

Health Advice

Ray Johnson: Climate Science
Gordie Little: Small Talk

Terry Mattingly: On Religion

Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask

Colin Read: Everybody's Business

Pinch of Time