<a href="mailto:gordandk@aol.com">By GORDIE LITTLE</a>
Small Talk
July 13, 2008 05:14 am
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Here's one guaranteed to tie you up in knots: the four-in-hand, the half-Windsor, full-Windsor, Shelby and Pratt.
We're talking about neckties. Kaye reminded me that I wrote about them once before, but it was time for a reprise. Once again, I hollered from my computer to wherever she was in the house. She came running to see what kind of new mess I was in.
"How many ties do I have in my closet?" I asked.
"Here we go again," she replied with her usual, long-suffering sigh. "Do I have to guess?"
"Just take a stab at it," I requested.
She grabbed a number out of the air. "A hundred twenty-five."
Not a bad guess. I had no clue without counting them. I walked into the bedroom, pushed my hangered trousers to one side and began the official count.
It was then that "four-in-hand" took on a whole new meaning. I had four in my hand and four on the floor. Many of my ties are silk. Silk is slippery. Need I say more?
Every time I grabbed one tie, another slipped off the rack and landed in a heap on the floor. It was a challenge, but I persisted.
"Ninety-five," I proclaimed proudly.
She shrugged her shoulders and walked away. "Sue me," she said.
"Are there any more?" I asked.
"In drawers upstairs," she replied. "Do you want me to go up and count them?"
NOT ABOUT NEED
Nah. Ninety-five neckties for a guy who doesn't even wear them anymore except for weddings and funerals and other formal occasions is more than enough.
But it's consistent with everything else I have. It's not about need. It's about having stuff. My father would be proud. He was also a pack rat, and I learned it from him.
"Two of everything is never quite enough," he used to say. "You never know when somebody will knock on your door and need something you can supply."
Sure, Dad. Like someone will ring the doorbell in the middle of the night and ask if you can spare a blue striped tie.
When he died, I brought some of his possessions home. My book collection mostly came from his shelves.
I also brought some of his ties. Of course, they're out of date, but I cherish them, nonetheless.
For almost 36 years, I donned a white shirt and necktie on every working day when I headed for the radio station. Even after that, when I started working at a crime-victims office, I wore a shirt and tie to work every day for eight more years. They were usually covered with my trademark sweater vests.
Ultimately, I opted for collared sport shirts sans neckties in the summertime, and I loved the way it felt.
INFORMAL ATTIRE
I should be brutally honest here. I have never chosen my own work clothes since marrying Kaye a long time ago. It is no secret that she laid out the wardrobe each day. On the bed were socks, underwear, dress pants, shirt and perfectly matching tie, jacket and sweater vest or whatever she felt appropriate and fashionable. Bless her pea-picking heart.
These days, I do much of my work right here at the kitchen countertop or in the River Room. It is to your distinct advantage that I don't have a 24-hour Web cam. The dress code in my abode is informal to the extreme.
At this stage in my life, I am ambivalent on the subject of neckties. The less I have to tie that Windsor knot, the happier I'll be.
I've taught our kids how to tie it. Kaye has done the same. Each time one of our young ones had a ceremony, a dance or a music concert, I'd go into my closet, pick the appropriate tie, make the knot on my own neck, loosen it and hand it over.
I've read reports about how doctors are being exhorted to eschew ties when they do hospital rounds because they carry germs. And who ever cleans their ties?
TYING ONE ON
Another bit of research says that tight neckties restrict blood flow in the carotid arteries and could somehow be linked to a higher risk of glaucoma. It sounds like a stretch to me, but how can I argue with science?
Kaye and I love quilts and have seen spectacular uses of old neckties in various patterns. I have instructions for making a backpack out of place mats and neckties along with photos of skirts and dresses made exclusively out of ties.
Kaye reminded me of the children she has tied into their highchairs with my neckties over the years.
I have learned that although many people 50 and older have given up wearing ties most of the time, there is a whole generation of young people in their 20s and 30s who have decided that wearing ties is cool and are boosting the inexpensive necktie market. So be it.
The entire topic leaves me fit to be tied.
Have a great day and please, drive carefully.
Gordie Little was for many years a well-known radio personality in the North Country and now hosts the "Our Little Corner" television program for Home Town Cable. Anyone with comments for him may send them to the newspaper or e-mail him at gordandk@aol.com.
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